


The Blonde-haired Bandit

by Lionheart261



Category: Dragon Ball
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-22
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:15:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,639
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21898762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lionheart261/pseuds/Lionheart261
Summary: Bulma, Goku, and Oolong must make their way across the harsh Diablo Desert if they want to reach Fry Pan Mountain, the location of a Dragon Ball! However, they quickly find themselves on the radar of the fearsome blonde-haired bandit, who will stop at nothing to take all of their valuables! Who is this mysterious young woman...and just why is she so deathly afraid of sneezing?
Relationships: Bulma Briefs/Launch
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Tale 1: A Fateful Encounter!

The midday sun shone oppressively over the Diablo Desert, a barren wasteland where no life dared to make its home, save for an unusual species of mushrooms, the ever-present vultures, and a handful of organisms that evolved to take advantage of their presence. So hot and arid was this place that the sky itself matched the color of the sand, and the mushrooms were the only source of water for miles around. To cross this desert without plenty of provisions and capsules of some kind would be suicide. This was precisely why the Diablo Desert was home to a handful of daring opportunists, scavengers and bandits who made their living by stealing what capsules and supplies they could from weary and unprepared travelers, before taking their goods and selling them for a handsome profit. Of these hardened desert criminals, none was more fearsome or deadly than the Blonde-haired Bandit.

Many details about the Blonde-haired Bandit's background were shrouded in mystery, given that anyone who met her was quickly dissuaded from telling anyone of what they knew. All that was commonly known was that she was an outsider, a former city girl who came wandering in from the north, taking shelter in a harsh desert that the district police were reluctant to enter. Based on this information, some assumed that she was soft, the perfect target for a rival bandit looking to make some extra money. The first two men who acted on this assumption, both highly skilled bandits who had operated in the desert for years, were never seen again. People knew better after that.

Her appearance in the eyes of her fellow bandits and the residents of the handful of villages which were sporadically laid out across the vast desert was cobbled together from different accounts. The dealers that she interacted with in order to sell her ill-gotten gains were smart enough to not reveal anything about her, but others who had seen glimpses of her noted her long blonde hair, as well as her simple outfit of a green tank top, yellow shorts, fingerless gloves, and red boots. She always wore a red ribbon in her hair, and she always carried a rifle slung over her shoulders, a custom-built firearm with which some said she could shoot the fleas off a dog's back at five hundred yards. Her personality was described as being no-nonsense, temperamental, and quick to anger. She refused any and all offers of partnership, no matter how lucrative the profits may have been, and especially refused to take anyone offering to be her sidekick. She worked alone.

And so she knelt down alone, from the rocky balcony of the hideout which she had carved out of a mountain by hand, looking through her telescope at the first mark she had had in her neck of the desert in quite some time: a young boy with what almost looked like a tail, and a pig dressed in what appeared to be a military uniform.

Launch grinned, anticipating an easy snatch and grab.

"Gotcha."

* * *

"Oh, boy...I'm really starving."

Oolong sat on his back near an arch of rock pillars, not wanting to take another step in the harsh desert. A couple feet ahead of him, lying on her back underneath the shade of the arch, Bulma, the self-appointed leader of their expedition, Across from him, Goku stood, not nearly as exhausted yet particularly eager for some food himself. With his trusty Power Pole slung across his back, he was ready for anything.

"I'll go ahead and look for some food," he said, his tail idly swinging as he took a few steps away. Oolong tiredly muttered something in response, until he caught something moving towards them in the corner of his drooping eyes, and was suddenly wide awake.

"Oh, crap!" he cried out, catching Goku's attention and causing him to look towards what he was pointing at: a motorized vehicle of some kind, kicking up sand as it rocketed towards them at high speeds, and being piloted by a figure whose features couldn't easily be discerned.

"What the...?" Goku thought aloud, unsure what exactly was happening.

As the bike got closer, the two could see who it was: a young blonde woman who brought the vehicle to a stop a few feet in front of them before disembarking. Under ordinary circumstances, Oolong would've been captivated by the woman's appearance, but as it stood, the rifle she had on her person left him incredibly uneasy.

"Sup?" the woman said simply, as if she was just casually meeting the pair out on the street.

" _Oh, I've got a bad feeling about this chick,"_ he thought worriedly. Goku, meanwhile, had no sense of the danger this woman posed to him.

"Who are you?" he asked, which seemed to irritate the woman.

"That ain't your concern," she said gruffly, unslinging her rifle and leveling it at the two of them, causing Oolong to cower behind Goku in fear while he remained relatively unaffected. "Now, then, here's what's going to happen. If you want to live, you're going to give me every cent and capsule you've got on you. If you don't...well. I think you both are smart enough to get the idea." Oolong whimpered in fear, while Goku was simply confused.

"I don't get it," he said, angering Oolong.

"She's saying that she's going to **kill** us, you moron!" he snapped angrily, before an idea occurred to him. "Hey, wait! You're strong, right?! Like, crazy strong?!" Goku cocked his head.

"Uh, yeah, I guess so," he said, causing Oolong to laugh.

"Ha! Well, then!" He turned to the bandit, filled with newfound confidence. "Listen up, babe! If I were you, I'd think twice about trying to take our stuff! I'd advise you to get back on that bike and get on out of here before you get hurt!" So confident was he that he momentarily failed to notice the scowl forming on her face.

"Who you calling 'babe,' Porky?" she asked angrily, causing Oolong's confidence to quickly evaporate. As he struggled to respond, the woman chuckled. "You know what? Just for that, I'm gonna turn you into **stew**." Oolong was left paralyzed by fear, while Goku took a step forward, amusing the bandit. "And as for **you** , little man, I'm gonna be nice and offer you one last chance to avoid what's coming to you. This beauty here? One bullet from this thing tears through people's heads like a hot knife through butter...and it's pointed right between your eyes." As she spoke, she aimed it exactly where she had indicated, holding it steady. "What'll it be, kid?"

Goku shook his head. "Sorry, miss, but I'm not gonna let you eat Oolong, or take our stuff!" He unslung his Power Pole and held it in both hands, ready to strike.

"Get her, Goku!" Oolong cried out in encouragement. He wasn't entirely sure if Goku could survive a hit from something like that, but then again, it wasn't like he had any other option than to trust that he could. Launch smirked.

"Have it your way," she said, before firing directly at Goku's face, the force of the bullet's impact sending him sprawling across the ground. Oolong was left horrified, while Launch grinned, satisfied that her target had been dealt with.

"G-Goku?" Oolong called out, sure that he was a goner, and thus condemning the rest of them to the same fate. However, his fears were assuaged when both he and Launch noticed the slightest twitch of Goku's tail, followed by the child slowly getting up, his gi covered in sand.

"What the hell?" the bandit muttered, completely astonished, as Goku turned to look at her, a hand over where the bullet had hit him. Although he seemed shaken by the force of the impact, and a small bit of blood could be observed coming from above his nose, he was most definitely still alive. "That...that's not possible," she said, growing slightly panicky. "What the hell **are** you?!"

Goku wiped the blood off of his hand and grinned, eager at the prospect of an opponent who actually posed a challenge to him.

"I'm Son Goku!" he said excitedly. "And now, it's my turn!"

Launch quickly moved to shoot him again, to which the monkey boy abruptly jammed his Power Pole into the ground.

"Power Pole Extend!" he cried out, causing the pole to increase in length and push himself into the air, thus evading the second bullet the bandit attempted to hit him with. Before she could adjust her aim, the stick retracted back to its normal size after Goku used it to swing himself forward, giving him the opening he needed to land a downward strike directly onto her gun, breaking it into two pieces. This accomplished, he planted the stick into the ground once more, using it to land a powerful kick on Launch's face for good measure, sending her backwards along with the remains of her gun. As she struggled to get up, Goku paused, his stomach rumbling intensely.

"Ugh...I'm hungry," he said aloud, while Launch looked closely at the pieces of her gun before trembling in rage.

"You...you...little BASTARD!" she screamed, getting Goku's attention and causing Oolong to tremble even more intensely before he turned around to look at Bulma, still fast asleep under the cover of the arch.

" _Jeez! All this racket and she's_ still _asleep! She's even less cut out for this than I am!"_

Meanwhile, Launch tossed the broken gun aside before pulling out a switchblade and running towards Goku with murderous intent. Weakened by hunger, Goku wasn't quite as agile as he usually was, causing him to wind up on the defensive against the bandit's rapid slashing movements. Although his Power Pole helped to block some of her attacks, he soon found his hair cut up in multiple places, the leftover strands littering the ground as the angry woman managed to get a lucky slash on Goku's right cheek, drawing blood and causing him to cry out in pain.

"Agh! That **hurt**!" Goku protested. Wasting no time, the boy ducked under the next wild slash and smacked the switchblade out of Launch's hand, sending it flying through the air before embedding itself into the sand right next to Oolong. This accomplished, he spun around and held the Power Pole in both hands, extending it such that it swiftly pushed the bandit back and into the column of rock which Oolong was hiding behind, causing him to run away in terror. Although the impact left a crack in the column, Launch was still conscious, and angrier than ever. Her mind clouded by rage, she spotted the fallen switchblade and moved to run at Goku again before something curious happened: Bulma woke up.

"Whazzis?" she asked drowsily, rubbing her eyes. "You guys are making too much noise!" Caught off guard by this new voice, Launch turned to locate the source, and their eyes met, the two of them only a foot or two away from each other. Launch was left totally speechless, her rage evaporating in the face of this development. As she remained unable to form a coherent response, Bulma's eyes slowly widened, and they both began to blush. However, one particular detail quickly came to the bandit's attention, leaving her perplexed.

" _That smell...is that...perfume?"_ Acting on instinct, she breathed in more deeply, in order to get a better idea of the scent, before a twitch of her nose revealed her grave error. " _Oh...oh, no, no, no, no, NO!"_

"Ah...ah...ah...ah!" she cried out helplessly, tilting her head up as far as she could and jamming her fingers into her nose to try and stop herself from sneezing. Needless to say, the others were rather perplexed.

"Uh, miss? Are you okay?" Goku asked, causing Launch to look towards him in a wild panic. Fearing that she was about to sneeze in spite of all her efforts, she acted without thinking, getting herself as far away from the monkey boy and his companions as possible. So disoriented was she that she completely forgot about her vehicle, leaving it behind in her mad dash to escape. Goku watched her leave, confused as to what had just happened. He briefly thought about pursuing her before shaking his head. He was way too hungry to keep that up for much longer. Oolong, meanwhile, slowly moved away from the rock he was cowering behind, attempting to get over his panic, while Bulma displayed a most unusual reaction.

"Who was **that**?!" she asked excitedly, catching both Goku and Oolong off guard as she kept going. "What a **babe**! Did you get her name?! Her address?! Her phone number?! Oh, **please** tell me you got her phone number!"

Goku cocked his head, wondering what Bulma was so worked up about, while Oolong looked at her with exasperation. "Lady...that chick was attacking us," he said tiredly. "She shot Goku in the head and threatened to make me into a stew!"

"...Huh," was all Bulma could say in response, before a thought occurred to her. "Well, to be fair, I've done both of those things, and I'm not **that** bad, am I?"

"Nope!" Goku replied cheerily, while Oolong scoffed.

"Uh huh. The best company a man could ask for," he said sarcastically. Under ordinary circumstances, Bulma would have been annoyed, but in this case, she was left far too distracted to notice the pig's tone.

"I wonder what made her leave so suddenly?" she asked aloud. Goku pondered this.

"She probably just ran away cuz she knew she was gonna lose!" he said. Oolong chuckled.

"At this point, I couldn't care **why** she left, only that she **did**. Now let's just hope that she doesn't decide to come back for this beauty," he said, patting the vehicle she left behind. "With this, we'll make much better time through this godforsaken desert!"

Bulma nodded faintly, still looking off towards where the mysterious bandit had left.

"I wonder if we **will** see her again," she said, to which Oolong laughed.

"Honey, if we do see her again, we'll be lucky not to wind up **dead**!"

* * *

Launch ran and ran until the sneeze that she felt was imminent had finally gone away, leaving her breathless and her heart worn ragged as she was finally able to pause and assess her situation.

" _Dammit!"_ she thought angrily. " _The_ one _reason I came to roost in this goddamn desert was because I didn't think there'd be anything here that would make_ her _come out! I could've gotten a nice haul of capsules off those brats, not to mention the magic stick, but then that stupid girl with her stupid lavender perfume and her stupid eyes and her stupid cute little nose and...and..."_ She blushed as the image of the girl's face came back to the front of her mind, a face which left her utterly unable to think. She shook her head, as if this would shake away the thought itself, and screamed at the top of her lungs for awhile, letting out all of her rage in one massive burst. After this, she was able to calm down, moderately, and assess her situation.

"Gun's smashed to hell," she muttered to herself. "And my Jet Squirrel...well. I'll at least be able to get that back." She reached behind her back and pulled out a small capsule case from the back pocket of her shorts, opening up and rifling through it until she found what she was looking for: a small car capsule which she kept for emergencies. It wasn't as fast as the Jet Squirrel, but it came with a special feature she had installed herself: the ability to track the location of all of her other vehicles, making the car perfectly suited for this mission. After getting inside, she found that the Jet Squirrel was indeed moving away from where she had left it, proving that the trio from before had decided to make use of it. She growled angrily before taking a deep breath.

"They're gonna have to stop and make camp at some point," she reasoned. "Probably at nightfall. I can tail them until then, and take the Jet Squirrel along with whatever else they got once they're all asleep. And then..." She thought about what she'd do to the pig and the monkey once she got ahold of them, but she found herself having second thoughts. She obviously didn't know everything about this group, but if that girl was traveling with them, she might be sad to find them dead in the morning, or at the very least horrified. She had a vivid image in her mind of the mysterious girl cradling the monkey boy in her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. She was suddenly not quite willing to gut the two of them for what they had done.

She shook her head angrily again. She couldn't keep letting this girl throw her off. Cute or not, she was a potential victim, one who had taken one of her own vehicles along with the other two. She'd track them down, take everything they had, and leave them to their devices. " _Hopefully managing to make it out of this desert_ ," a part of her thought before being swiftly silenced. Her mind was made up. She was doing this.

Now all too acutely aware of the risk of sneezing, Launch reached into her capsule case and pulled out another emergency capsule, popping it open to reveal a gas mask she had purchased just in case. Strapping it firmly onto her face, she looked ahead through the protected eyeholes, the blinking dot on her car's dashboard getting further and further away. She had to start after them now. With one push on the gas pedal, she was off, turning around in the sand until she ran on a course parallel to the Jet Squirrel's, seeking to intercept it just as the cold hand of night fell over the scorching desert.

* * *

It was just past sunset when Bulma decided to stop driving the pilfered vehicle for the night and set up camp. Although slightly bothered by stealing from the mysterious bandit, Bulma knew that the vehicle would make their journey through the harsh desert far easier, and anything that kept her from having to do any more walking was appreciated. Besides, a part of her held out hope that having the vehicle in their possession might motivate the bandit to seek them out, which Bulma desired more than she cared to admit. In any event, her arrival would help to alleviate the boredom and irritation she felt due to the limited means they had available. The Jet Squirrel didn't have any additional capsules stored on it, so Bulma's hopes of being able to lie down in a warm bed, take a hot shower, or even cook food that Goku brought out from the wilderness were dashed. Her only option was to sleep out in the sand like she had done earlier, hoping not to freeze as the desert air became cooler and cooler. She groaned loudly, not willing to tolerate any of this.

"Ugh, I'm **so hungry**!" she cried, annoying Oolong to no end.

"We know you're hungry, that bandit woman knows you're hungry, the people off in **Fungus Town** know you're hungry!" Oolong shouted back, while Goku groaned as well.

"Ohhh...I'm real hungry, too..." he said, barely having the strength to talk. "I couldn't even cook a vulture I found...and its meat tasted **awful**..." Oolong couldn't take any more of this.

"Alright, you know what? I didn't want to use this unless things were **really** dire, but at this point, all I care about is getting you two to SHUT UP!" As he spoke, he pulled out a capsule from his back pocket with the letter "M" written on it, and chucked it as hard as he could at an empty spot. The capsule burst open in a cloud of smoke, revealing a large double-decker mobile home with the words "Oolong Inc." written on the side. Goku looked at it in wonder while Bulma's eyes widened in shock and anger.

"Whoa...it's like a house on wheels!" Goku exclaimed.

"You had something like this this entire time?!" Bulma exclaimed. Oolong sighed as he got out his key.

"Like I said, it's for emergencies," he said while opening the door. "There's about three days' worth of food in there, and it's got electricity, running water, a fully furnished kitchen-"

"A bathtub?!" Bulma asked, setting aside her anger for the moment. Oolong paused.

"...To me, it's a bathtub. To you, it's a shower," he said before walking inside. Bulma thought it over before chuckling softly.

"Shoot, good enough!" she said, rushing to get inside alongside Goku, who himself was lured in by the prospect of food. Within twenty minutes, Oolong had prepared a variety of dishes for the three of them to partake in, the majority of which Goku quickly wolfed down.

"Ahhh, that's better!" he said contentedly, while Oolong looked at him in disbelief.

"Jeez...how can you eat that much food?" Goku simply shrugged.

"I **was** pretty hungry," he said, as if that alone explained it. Bulma sighed, still annoyed that they hadn't used the mobile home from the start.

"Whatever," she said, finishing her food. "I'm gonna take a shower. You got any pajamas or something I can wear while my clothes are in the wash?"

"I mean, yeah, but...they're **mine** ," he said, gesturing to his rather short and stocky frame. "Although...I **do** have something you can wear in the chest on the second floor...but you're **not** gonna like it."

"If it's clean, I could care less," she replied as she walked down to the bathroom and locked the door behind her, keeping Oolong out. Oolong sighed as he leaned against his seat.

"That girl is a piece of work," he muttered before glancing over his shoulder out the window, which caught Goku's attention.

"Whatcha looking for?" he asked as Oolong sat back down.

"I'm worried that blonde bandit is gonna come back for her bike," he explained. "Not to mention all of our other stuff!"

"And her pork stew," Goku added, causing Oolong to shiver.

" **Exactly** ," he said before sighing. "I don't understand what Bulma's deal with her is anyway. I mean, yeah, she's smoking hot, but she still tried to kill us! Why are you traveling with such a lovesick spoiled brat anyway? And why are you trying to get to Fry Pan Mountain of all places?"

"Cuz there's a Dragon Ball there," Goku replied.

"A Dragon what?" Oolong asked, confused.

"One of these!" Goku said, pulling out the four-star Dragon Ball he kept on him at all times. "I've had it for as long as I can remember, and Bulma said that there are six others just like it, scattered all over the world! We've got five so far, including one from that village you were causing trouble in, and the sixth one is on that mountain!"

Oolong looked at the ball, fascinated. "And what happens when you get all seven?"

"Well, from what she told me, when you get all seven together, a giant dragon pops out and grants you any wish!"

Oolong let out a short laugh. "You're pulling my leg!" he said, but Goku shook his head.

"That's what she said!"

"Any wish? Any wish at all?"

"Uh huh!" Goku said, causing Oolong to chuckle.

"Man...I can understand why a spoiled city girl like her would go out into places like this to find them all, at least. And that radar she had back in the lake, that shows where they are?"

"Mhm!"

Oolong thought it over for a moment. "Huh. Well, that at least explains how you guys found them so fast. What do you think she's in this for anyway?"

Goku tried to remember what Bulma had told him. "She said something about a 'super cute boyfriend?' Whatever **that** means." Oolong stared at Goku for a second, before an idea occurred to him.

"Huh...you know, having a hot girlfriend wouldn't be a bad wish..." he thought aloud. "What about you, Goku? Did you want to wish for something?"

Goku shook his head. "Nah, I'm good! I just wanna see the dragon!"

Oolong was shocked. "That's it?! All you want is to see the dragon?! Why not wish to be, like, the strongest guy in the universe or something? Or immortality? Or-heck, anything!"

Goku was about to answer until an idea occurred to him. There **was** one thing he could wish for...but...he shook his head again.

"I'm pretty happy with the life I have now. Traveling the world, meeting new people, all that stuff...that's been way more fun than anything that dragon could give me. Besides, Bulma already got two of the balls before she met me, and she's the one who built that radar to find them. She should be the one to get her wish."

Oolong simply grunted in response. "You're a real weird guy, you know that?"

He glanced out the window again, seeing no sign of the bandit from earlier. He thus turned back to the conversation, missing the blonde woman who had been crouching beneath their window motionless for several minutes, listening in on their entire conversation.

" _These 'Dragon Balls' grant wishes, do they?"_ she thought to herself. " _I'm not one to put much faith in fairy tales, but...if those things really_ are _magical, then...they might be it."_ She had to resist the urge to laugh gleefully as the idea came to her. " _I could wish for the Dragon Balls to cure me! I'd never have to be afraid of sneezing ever again! I could_ leave _this crummy desert and go thieving where the getting's really good! Ohohoho, this is_ amazing!"

Launch could hardly contain her excitement, but she knew she had to keep herself quiet. From the sound of things, the two brats were still awake and chatting, while the mysterious girl was just getting out of the shower. She decided to observe them discreetly until all three were asleep, then break into the vehicle and take the balls they had collected, along with the device used to track them down, her Jet Squirrel, and anything else she could grab. This course of action settled upon, she leaned up against the wall of the mobile home, making sure to stay out of sight of any of them and make as little noise as possible. While waiting, she overheard some minor commotion between the girl and the pig, and couldn't resist scooting towards the nearest window to listen.

"Are you insane?! You think I'm going to walk around in a bunny girl outfit?!"

"Like I said: you won't like it."

"Well, you were **right**! I'd rather go to sleep in this towel than put on that thing!"

There was a pause, during which Launch couldn't help but blush, until she heard the pig scoff.

"Suit yourself," he said simply, which somehow left Launch feeling uneasy. She heard the girl scoff as well.

"You better have my clothes cleaned by tomorrow, or else!"

The pig whimpered slightly, as if he was recalling a horrible memory. "Yes, ma'am!" After a while, however, he said something else, which only served to make Launch feel worse. "Would either of you like a refreshing glass of orange juice? It's good for you."

Launch's eyes widened. She'd been to enough seedy locales to know where this was going. She heard the girl take a glass and drink it, heightening her anxiety.

"What's so special about orange juice anyway?" the monkey boy asked.

"It makes you stronger!"

"Really? Shoot, okay!" Within seconds, he had gulped it down too. Launch braced herself. She would have to act fast if she wanted to prevent what she feared would happen **and** take what she needed.

"Where's the bed?" the girl asked.

"Upstairs."

"Fine. But you two are sleeping down here, got that?! If you do anything weird, Oolong, I swear I-!"

"Okay, okay, you've made your point!" the pig, Oolong, replied, terrified.

A couple minutes passed. Once she was sure that the boy was out and the girl was upstairs, Launch made her move. Pulling out a set of lock picking equipment, she quickly managed to open the mobile home's locked door without making too much noise. Wasting no time, she moved into the vehicle and looked up the stairs. Unfortunately for her, she had made just enough noise to catch Oolong's attention, who hid himself out of sight of the stairs once he realized who had just entered and interrupted what he had been intending to do. Thinking quickly, he transformed into the first thing he could think of just as she rapidly moved up the stairs, jumping down onto her face as an incredibly aggressive monkey.

Screeching wildly, his assault left her blinded and struggling to shield her eyes from his claws. She wobbled up the last few steps into the bedroom, stumbling around and attempting to beat him off of her, but he was persistent, getting hold of her gas mask and tearing it off of her face. Although she succeeded in getting him away, he then changed focus, climbing around her head in such a way that he was able to get his arms around her neck and begin to choke her. Caught off guard, she walked backwards into the wall and slammed her back against it a couple times in an effort to fight him off, managing to momentarily break his grip around her throat. Before he could react, she seized on the advantage, grabbing him by his loosely hanging tail and slamming him down onto the floor hard. Left stunned, he was seemingly knocked out at the foot of the stairs with a swift punch to his stomach. Panting as she began to breathe normally again, she wiped her mouth with her fist and looked at the defeated monkey with contempt.

"Nice try, you perverted little sh-" she began as she was turning around, before stopping dead in her tracks. She had been so distracted during her brief scuffle with the pig that she had failed to notice the mysterious girl lying in bed, her blanket cast aside. Although she was only caught off guard for a couple of seconds, blushing profusely as she averted her eyes, it was enough for the barely conscious Oolong to capitalize on for a last ditch effort. Recalling how she had reacted when she had been about to sneeze earlier, he decided to transform into a giant flower, spewing out a massive cloud of pollen from behind which covered half the room.

Before the bandit could even process where the pollen had come from, she had already inhaled it, and was on the verge of sneezing. Once again, she tried desperately to fight it off, covering her nose with both hands in an effort to stop it. At the same time, the pollen caused Bulma to cough in her sleep, blearily rousing her from her slumber in spite of the effects of Oolong's sleeping potion. Once again, the two locked eyes for a brief second before all of Launch's efforts finally gave out. With tears in her eyes, Launch put up a futile struggle as her body accepted the inevitable.

"Ah...ah...ah...ACHOO-AGH!"

Just as Launch sneezed, she found herself having taken a step backwards involuntarily, and thus tripping over Oolong and falling down the stairs. The sight of it caused Oolong to hurriedly change back to his original form while Bulma sat up in bed, hastily covering herself with the bedsheet.

"Oh my God!" she exclaimed fearfully, rushing out of bed and down the stairs, barreling past Oolong in the process. For his part, he looked down the stairs with uncertainty, wondering whether or not he had inadvertently killed her. When Bulma finally made it down to the stairs, she was about to ask whether the bandit was okay, but gasped in shock when she got a closer look at the body, and found that it didn't seem to be the bandit at all.

Her outfit was the exact same, as was her general body type, but her hair, which had been a sharp blonde before, was now a deep blue. As she opened her eyes after a couple of seconds, Bulma was surprised to find that they too were blue, rather than the bandit's green eyes. As Oolong moved down the stairs to see what was going on, neither of them could provide any explanation for what they were seeing. They both looked apprehensively at the mysterious woman as she slowly got up off the floor and turned to look at them with worry in her eyes.

"Where...where am I?"

* * *

Whoo! First chapter done!

So, I should probably explain what's going on here. You see, I've been working on the next arc of Hermit for a while, mostly on content coming later, but I hit a bit of a stumbling block around Chapter 28. At the same time, I've also been trying to write 50k words by the end of December, after I failed to get anywhere close to that during the month of November as part of NaNoWriMo. Thus, I've been focusing my efforts on some smaller projects. When I saw some fanart by Moosopp on Twitter, depicting an AU of Blonde Launch in the role of Yamcha during the Emperor Pilaf Saga, I couldn't resist. I think those who have followed Hermit will know I like Launch a lot as a character and wish she had kept getting attention beyond Dragon Ball, so an AU like this was perfect for me. Plus, a relationship between Bulma and Launch honestly sounds really interesting from a writing standpoint, and hey, fandom could always use more solid wlw content.

Ultimately, how far I take this depends on my own interest. I'd like to take it further, but like my other Dragon Ball side project, Forgotten Son, that will probably be on a less scheduled basis than Hermit, particularly given that I still want to get this new arc of Hermit done with. Still, at the moment, I'm interested to hear what you all think. Thank you all for reading, have a fantastic night, and take care!


	2. Tale 2: Two Sides to Every Coin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After a violent confrontation between the Blonde-haired Bandit and Oolong, both her secret and her real name have finally been revealed: Launch, the girl who changes in both appearance and personality whenever she sneezes! Now transformed into her blue-haired "good" personality, Launch is now at the mercy of Bulma and Oolong, with no idea where she is, or when! What will come of this bizarre encounter? Find out now in the second chapter of The Blonde-haired Bandit!

Bulma and Oolong stared speechless at the strange woman standing before them. They couldn’t wrap their heads around what had just happened. One minute, the Blonde-haired Bandit was standing over Bulma’s bed, having beaten the lecherous Oolong to a pulp, and the next, she had sneezed, fallen down the stairs, and had seemingly been replaced by this blue-haired look-alike. Judging from the strange woman’s expression, she didn’t know much more about the situation than they did. Even though Bulma was incredibly nervous around her for a number of reasons, something about how the strange woman asked where she was left Bulma compelled to answer, in order to try her best to set the woman’s mind at ease.

“Y-you’re in the Diablo Desert. You kinda, uh...stumbled into our trailer,” Bulma said, obviously trying to sugarcoat the truth. The strange woman didn’t seem reassured by this in the slightest. As a matter of fact, she seemed to grow even more worried.

“Oh, no, no, no...” she muttered, putting her hands up to the side of her face before looking at Bulma in a panic. “W-what year is it?”

“I’m sorry-?”

“What year is it?!” the woman replied promptly, practically screaming in her desperation. “Please, I need to know-what year?!”

Faced with such a response, Bulma was put on the back foot.

“Uh, ah, Age 749! S-September 6th, I think.” Bulma took a step away from her, not sure how exactly the strange woman would react to this information. Rather than a violent response, however, the woman simply stared off into space, her mind seemingly on autopilot as she tried to process what Bulma had told her. Without any warning, she dropped to her knees, tears beginning to form in her eyes.

“Almost a year,” she said, in a disbelieving tone. “She’s been out for almost a year...what on Earth has she done in all that time? Did she...?” The woman looked towards Bulma and Oolong again. “Did she hurt you?”

Bulma and Oolong looked at the woman in confusion. “Um, I’m sorry, w-who are you talking about, exactly?” Bulma asked, beginning to have a particular suspicion. The woman nodded hurriedly, seemingly embarrassed about something.

“Sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. It’s a little hard to explain, but, um, whenever I sneeze...I change personalities. And, well, my other personality, she’s, ah...rough around the edges, so to speak.” Bulma and Oolong’s eyes widened in response to this revelation.

“You, uh, you don’t say,” Oolong said nervously, before Bulma could respond in any meaningful way. “And, ah, this personality change wouldn’t happen to also cause physical changes, would it? Say, different hair color, different eyes, stuff like that?” As the woman wordlessly nodded, Oolong nodded along, sweat dripping down his face. “Cool...so, uh, funny story-”

“Oolong...” Bulma said warningly, the word carrying an implied threat which Oolong understood almost immediately, from horrible past experiences. The woman, meanwhile, groaned, her anxiousness refusing to subside.

“Oh, no, what did she do?!”

“N-nothing!” Bulma said, holding out her hands in an attempt to appear reassuring. “Really, it was all just a big misunderstanding-!”

“She tried to rob us at gunpoint and shot our friend in the head this afternoon,” Oolong interjected bluntly, causing the woman to let out a whimper of anguish and guilt. Bulma, meanwhile, was absolutely incensed.

“Oolong!”

“What? Goku got better. Besides, she may be hot no matter the hair color, but I’m not sure I’m buying what this lady’s selling. She could be a shapeshifting crook, putting on an act so she can take our stuff just like she was planning!”

“Oh, so it takes one to know one, huh?”

“Frankly, yes! I’m honestly surprised more shapeshifters haven’t tried pulling a scam like mine! Villages with people that meek and gullible are gold mines for people like us!”

“Grr, you creepy little-!” As the woman watched the argument with a mixture of apprehension and confusion, Bulma took a deep breath, and Oolong’s face went pale in an instant.

“Oh, no. No no no no-!”

“Swee! Swee! Swee!” Bulma whistled, prompting an immediate reaction in Oolong’s stomach. With a cry of terror, Oolong raced as fast as he could up the stairs and into the trailer’s bathroom, where the sounds of especially terrible digestive distress could be faintly heard by the two women below.

“Wh-hy-hy-hyyyy?!” Oolong cried out pathetically, while Bulma simply scoffed, glad she had finally gotten rid of the lecherous pig.

“Sorry about that. For a pig, he really can be an ass sometimes,” Bulma said with a wink, to which the woman failed to muster up a response. Bulma got the impression that that kind of humor didn’t really work on her, especially not in such a tense situation.

“I-I’m not planning on making off with anything. Honest. I’m not...I’m not like her,” the woman said. For some reason, Bulma could tell that she meant every word. The fact that this woman also happened to be incredibly pretty played absolutely no part in that analysis.

“It’s okay. I believe you, uh...?”

“Launch,” the woman replied timidly, beginning to blush a bit.

“Launch,” Bulma repeated, blushing herself. “My name’s Bulma, by the way,” she added awkwardly.

“Ah, I-I see,” Launch replied, with a similar degree of awkwardness. The two looked at each other in silence for a moment, the tension somehow managing to filter out the sounds coming from the bathroom. Eventually, Bulma spoke up. 

“I, uh, I don’t suppose you have any spare clothes on you? The only clean option I have right now is Oolong’s bunny girl costume, so...”

Launch, suddenly more conscious than ever of the fact that Bulma was wearing nothing but a blanket, looked around in her pockets for a moment, eventually finding a capsule case labeled “clothes.” After throwing one of the capsules on the ground nearby, a puff of smoke cleared to reveal a set of clothes identical to the one Launch was wearing at the moment. “Um, there you go,” Launch said, pointing to the pile and looking away from Bulma, red in the face.

“Thanks,” Bulma said, bending over to pick up the clothes before daring to glance over at Launch once more, clearing her throat in the process. “Say, uh, after I’ve gotten dressed, you wanna sit down at the table and chat for a bit? I’m not sure when you’ve last had something to eat.”

Launch felt her stomach rumble. “Neither am I,” she admitted, before glancing towards the bathroom. “Um, is your friend-?”

“He’ll be fine; the effects of the Sweetrot aren’t  **that** potent,” Bulma replied. “Besides, at least now he’ll try and avoid us both. You have  **no idea** how exhausting he is to deal with. The ideas he gets in his head...”

“I-I see,” Launch said, a part of her feeling a curious sensation of deja vu from that statement. She decided to ignore it. “Well, a meal together sounds lovely. Thank you.”

Bulma smiled. “Sweet. Just gimme a few minutes.” With that, she took the pile of clothes and walked up the stairs, while Launch watched her go, a strange mixture of emotions welling up inside her. She still had very little clue about what was going on, and she still felt very guilty for what her other self had done to these people. Still, with this “Bulma” around, she felt...calmer, somehow. More at ease, and far more sure than she usually was that she would figure this whole thing out, no matter what new developments might arise. She felt secure, at least a little, the thought of which made her smile softly to herself.

She could learn to like that feeling.

* * *

“So, uh...tell me a bit about yourself.”

Bulma and Launch sat on opposite sides of one of the tables in the kitchen, careful not to wake up Goku, who was sleeping by the table in front of theirs. A simple meal consisting of what few leftovers survived Goku’s ravenous appetite sat in front of them, mostly intended for Launch, who dug in with surprising abandon. Even so, she seemed to retain a great deal of politeness as she did so, waiting until she no longer had food in her mouth before responding to Bulma’s question. A part of the rich girl’s brain immediately turned to thoughts of how much her mother would like this person, thoughts which were rapidly shut down with a great deal of embarrassment.

“Um, there’s not too much to tell, really,” Launch replied. “I’m 17, I think. Birthday should’ve been...a couple months ago, now.” She paused for a moment, lost in thought, before she continued. “I moved around a lot,” she said, without elaborating. Bulma chose not to press the subject. “I eventually realized I had to get my own place, so I started working as a waitress. That...didn’t last long,” Launch admitted, rubbing the back of her head. “Did a couple other jobs in different cities; delivery girl, grocery store cashier, real entry-level stuff, you know? I started working at a capsule shop in a city north of here, and...that’s about it.” Launch sighed, looking at Bulma apologetically. “Sorry I don’t have that much to talk about. Whenever me and her switch places, it takes a bit to readjust. Usually it happens in the middle of one of her heists, so I have to deal with all that before I can even think about, you know, what to do with my own life.” Launch paused again, and the two girls looked at each other in silence, both of them unsure what to say next. Eventually, Bulma decided to ask a question of her own.

“Do you know why your, uh, other personality does the stuff that she does? Has she always been like this?”

Launch sighed, thinking back on some unpleasant memories. “I’m honestly not sure, but she only started getting us into trouble with the law a few years ago. Before then, it was mostly just the occasional fist fight with some mean kid...fights which she evidently won, more often than not.” Launch paused for a second again, looking at her right hand with equal amounts of remorse and disgust. “I’d guess she’s probably motivated by greed. Greed and...more than a bit of anger. Makes sense, since she’s probably my opposite in a lot of ways. Plus...I can’t imagine she likes living like this any more than I do. That’s probably why she came out all this way. Not much that can make you sneeze in a place like this...” 

Launch sat silently for a moment, while Bulma tried to think of what to say to comfort her. Ultimately, however, another question came to Bulma’s mind, accompanied by the beginnings of a wild and crazy idea, one just crazy enough to work.

“If you don’t mind me asking...how do you feel about her?” Bulma asked, unsure exactly how to phrase it. 

Launch sat there a moment, trying to think of how to answer Bulma’s question. “I don’t know. I feel like most people in my situation would come to hate their alternate personality, but...I can’t bring myself to feel that way about her. I hate the choices she makes, yes. I hate how often her actions have put my life in danger, certainly. But, as far as the person or, well, personality herself goes...I can’t help but feel sorry for her.” As Bulma nodded along, Launch continued. “I mean, she’s in the same boat that I am, you know? She also has to deal with constantly blinking in and out of consciousness, for reasons she can’t always control. It’s probably affected her as much as it’s affected me, she just has worse ways of dealing with it. ...Much worse ways of dealing with it.” 

Bulma continued nodding along, wondering how to bring up the idea forming in her head, when Launch coincidentally gave her the perfect opportunity after a moment of thought. “I wish...I dunno, even if it were possible, I wouldn’t want to be cured of this, because I don’t want her gone forever. With how distinct the two of us are, it’d feel like killing another person, and...well. I couldn’t do that, at least.” She paused again, leaving Bulma to look at her with even greater nervousness as the implications of her statement became clear. After another period of silence, Launch continued. “But...I also would rather not have to deal with the consequences of her bad choices anymore, and...I want to have some control over my own life.” Launch took a deep breath, composing herself. “If there were some way for us to...I dunno, split or something. Turn into separate people, with our own bodies and our own lives to live without interruption...I’d sign up for it in a heartbeat. And, obviously I’m not completely certain of this, but...I think she would, too.” Launch sighed, looking down at the table. “But there’s no sense in wishing for something impossible to happen, is there?”

“...Don’t be so sure about that,” Bulma cut in, causing Launch to look up with confusion in her eyes.

“I’m sorry?”

Bulma chuckled. “That’s my line,” she said. “You’ve been talking all this time and I haven’t even told you about why me and my...associates are out here in this desert.”

Launch cocked her head, still not quite sure what Bulma was getting at. “I had assumed you were just traveling through the desert to get somewhere else.” After a second, she began to grow a little nervous. “You’re not running from the law too, are you?”

“No, no, no, we’re not-uh, w-well, here, why don’t I just show you?” Bulma got up and walked upstairs as Launch looked on, wondering what Bulma was going off to get. After a few minutes, Bulma returned, carrying an unusual, circular device and an orange sphere with what looked like two red stars set into its center. Setting both down onto the table, Bulma slid back into her seat while Launch stared at the objects with wide-eyed fascination, albeit some confusion as well. Before she could even raise her voice to ask what these objects were, Bulma, having anticipated her question, spoke up. “This right here,” she said, gesturing to the sphere, “is a Dragon Ball. There are seven of ‘em scattered all across the world, each one with a different number of stars in it.”

Launch nodded slowly. “Okay...” she said, a little hesitantly.

“According to legend,” Bulma continued, “when you get all seven of them together in one place and call upon their power, this dragon bursts out of them and grants you any one wish.”

Launch’s eyes widened even further, now beginning to understand what Bulma had meant. “Really?” she asked, with a slight degree of anticipation.

Bulma nodded happily. “Mhm! Apparently the last person who used them became a king, but that was a long time ago. As luck would have it, this one here ended up in my basement,” Bulma said, gesturing to the ball lying in front of Launch. “After I learned about the legend, I started studying it, and eventually I figured out that the Dragon Balls give off a faint electromagnetic pulse that can be tracked from anywhere on Earth. That’s what this beauty is for,” Bulma added, gesturing to the Dragon Radar and looking especially proud of herself, especially as Launch continued looking at the pair of objects with genuine wonder. As far as she was concerned, it was about time somebody appreciated her genius.

“So, you’ve been traveling around, collecting these things?” Launch asked, to which Bulma nodded.

“That’s right! I found one of them on my own in a cave, and Goku’s letting me borrow his Dragon Ball. We got another one from, uh...” Bulma shuddered, reflecting on her own bad memories. “And we got a fifth one from an old lady who lives in this village Oolong was causing problems in. We’re heading towards the sixth one over on Fry Pan Mountain, and after that, we’ve only got one more to go!”

Launch chuckled. “Well, that all sounds very exciting! ...What were you all planning on wishing for?” she asked, rubbing her right shoulder.

At this question, Bulma blushed somewhat. “Well, uh, Goku doesn’t seem interested in getting a wish for himself, and Oolong, well, I think it goes without saying that any wish of  **his** needs to be stopped immediately.”

Launch remained silent at that, not quite knowing whether or not to say anything. “And what about you?”

Bulma began blushing more, stammering briefly before she eventually decided on her answer. “Strawberries,” she blurted out, in a tone that left Launch incredibly skeptical.

“Strawberries?” Launch repeated, confused, to which Bulma nodded nervously.

“Mhm, yeah! A lifetime supply of strawberries! I was gonna, you know, put them all in capsules so they wouldn’t go bad, and just. Have ‘em. Just have enough strawberries to last my whole life. I just, ah, just love strawberries.” Launch, still confused and a little dismayed, simply sighed in response, prompting Bulma to frantically wave her hands in front of her face in reassurance. “Ah, wait, but, I’m gonna ask the dragon to split you and the other Launch apart!”

At this, Launch looked up at Bulma, equal amounts of doubt and hope in her eyes. “Really? You...you’d do that for me?” 

Bulma nodded frantically, cursing herself for making Launch doubt her intentions. “Of course! The strawberry wish was dumb! I’m like the richest girl in the world; I can buy as many strawberries as I want!” After a couple seconds of awkward silence, Bulma continued speaking. “Okay, I know that sounds incredibly egotistical, but-agh! Look, the point is...you clearly need something like this more than I do. And...I want to help you. So...yeah. I would do that for you.” Bulma looked away, trying to compose herself, which Launch was thankful for, since she was placed in a very similar situation. As the two girls had time to calm down, Launch eventually spoke up.

“I...I don’t know what to say except...thank you,” she said, smiling, to which Bulma looked into her eyes and smiled in return.

“No problem.”

The two sat there looking at each other for a couple seconds before Launch continued. “Um, I-I realize it’s a bit of an imposition, but-”

“Yeah, you can tag along!” Bulma interrupted suddenly, surprised at her own eagerness. Launch brightened up considerably.

“Really?! Oh, thank you so much! I-I admit I don’t know much, but I can cook...semi-decently! And, oh! I could drive the trailer, I could tidy the place up a bit, I could-!”

“Whoa whoa, slow your roll,” Bulma interjected. “I  **want** to do this for you. You don’t gotta do anything special around here to pay me back or anything.”

At that, Launch simply chuckled before smiling at Bulma, looking at her with an expression that, for all her intellect, the spoiled heiress couldn’t quite read.

“And I want to do this for you,” Launch said right back to her, in a tone which left Bulma wondering whether or not her heart had legitimately skipped a beat. “If, ah, if that’s alright, of course,” Launch added, noticing the effect her words had had on Bulma.

“Uh, no, yeah, you’re, uh...you’re good,” Bulma confirmed awkwardly. “Just don’t get too carried away, huh?”

Launch nodded, still smiling. “I think I can manage that.” She glanced out the window, noticing just how dark it had gotten outside. “Seems like we ought to turn in for the night,” she remarked. “How many bedrooms does this trailer have?”

“Ah, um...one, I’m pretty sure,” Bulma replied, continuing to blush. “The trailer’s Oolong’s, so he, uh, probably figured he just needed the one bed.”

“Hm. I see,” Launch said, beginning to blush herself. “Well, I can make myself comfortable down here, you don’t have to-”

“No no, you should take it! I can sleep without a bed for-”

“Please, Bulma, you’ve been more than generous enough already, it’s really not a problem-”

“Oh, stop it, I insist! It’s the least I can do to-”

“Bulma, you really don’t have to-”

“I. Insist,” Bulma repeated, adopting a tone which, although intended to be kind, also let Launch know that arguing with her was a lost cause. Bulma took a deep breath before deploying her ace in the hole. “Come on, how long has it been since you’ve slept in a bed?”

Launch sighed. Bulma had her there. “A long time,” she admitted. “Even so, I-I don’t know if I’m comfortable asking this much-”

“Oh Kami in heaven, JUST SHARE THE BED!!!” Oolong’s voice cried out in exasperation, carrying down to the kitchen with enough of its volume intact to shock the two girls out of their debate, and direct their attention towards the bathroom above them. Both blushing simultaneously, the two looked at each other questioningly, trying to gauge the other’s opinion on Oolong’s solution.

“It, ah, it would satisfy the demands of both parties,” Launch argued, blushing even further as she said it, and prompting Bulma to respond in kind.

“Ah, yup, mhm. Logical, logical,” she said, trying not to let her composure slip any further than it already had.

“So, w-we agree.”

“It, uh, it seems like it, yeah.”

The two stood in awkward silence for a moment before Bulma, having succeeded in composing herself somewhat, tried to get the two of them back on track, while Launch once again frustrated her efforts.

“Well, uh, a-after you!”

“Oh, no, after you!”

“C’mon, Launch, let’s not do this again, huh? You go first!”

“Well, forgive me for saying so, Bulma, but I believe your stubbornness is to blame for-”

“GO TO SLEEP ALREADY!!!” Oolong bellowed indignantly, scarring the two girls into rushing upstairs practically in unison. 

They expediently, albeit awkwardly, tucked themselves into the small bed, finding it an awkward fit for two people but nevertheless managing to make it work. Not wanting to further stoke Oolong’s anger, the two said little else to each other save for a soft “Good night” before they both drifted off to sleep. Neither of them could have possibly been aware of the perils that awaited them on this journey they now undertook together, a journey bolstered with newfound purpose and the addition of another eccentric comrade.

* * *

Wow, this one's been dormant a lot longer than I figured it had been. Sorry about that!

With everything going on this year, working on this kind of slipped my mind. I had a decent idea of where to take it, but the motivation to work on it as opposed to other projects I had in the intervening time wasn't really there until recently. I will admit this chapter being shorter than the last one is probably a consequence of that. I'll try and be a bit better about that, and about leaving so many of my fics on the proverbial back burner for so long. In any event, the chapter's done now, and I hope you all enjoy! As always, feel free to leave your comments and kudos down below! I hope you all have a fantastic night, take care, wear a mask, and stay safe. Until next time!


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